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396 days and counting

396 days since I took a long hard look at my life and 483 days between these 2 photos.

I pinch myself when I look at photos, but I also kick myself that I couldn’t see how destructive I was being to myself. I’m finding it different now as I am working so much harder to maintain, but I’m enjoying it still. I’ve still not had caffeine, that for me was the biggest challenge. I’m not even tempted by it, I still smell it but I am not tempted to have an extra shot extra hot cappu. I’ve had 4 glasses of wine in 396 days and I have to admit I felt indifferent about them which is no bad thing as I was drinking way way too much. I have had some chocolate and again I thought this isn’t for me. I can have a meal without potatoes, though I do eat the skins and as Laree doesn’t like the skin I have hers and she has my innards. Plop on a dollop of active yoghurt and a spoonful of dried chilli and I’m happy.

I don’t miss carrots, pasta or bread. I eat sourdough from time to time but I don’t slather on butter and jam. Funnily enough when I was talking to my eating disorders counsellor back when my bulimia was active I said that white bread and strawberry jam was what I would gorge on to make me sick, but still I did it. Now I view jam like I view the other things that don’t agree with and I avoid.

My skin is clear, my eyes are bright and I have clarity. I don’t wake up each morning and feel like I have taken part in a bacchanalia feast only to want to start again. I have my supper, go to bed in good time and then wake up at 530 or earlier if the dogs wake me up and I get out of bed ready for the day, tending not to eat until lunch. It’s no surprise that now I only spend 1/3 of my day in the eating hours I am not surrounded by or tempted by food. Food is fuel, it’s not a comfort aid or a boredom reliever.

With being active and eating all the right foods for me I’m feeling really really well, I don’t even view my regular colonoscopy and check ups as a downer. They’re important, and it’s important you get any symptoms checked out.

I’m 51 in 2 months, nearer to 60 than 45 and I feel great. I really do.


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