Right!
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In 2017
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I will lose 10 stone, what I mean is I will lose 2 stone 5 times.
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I'm not going to drink any more, I'm not going to drink any less.
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I will get taller, not thought how.
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I will grow my hair, long enough to wax.
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I won't bite my nails, nor will I spit them or feathers.
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I won't carry weight on my shoulders, it can stay on my bum and tum.
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I will keep up with charitable donations to the gym with my on hold direct debit.
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I will go to the gym, for coffee and lunch.
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I will say no if I don't want to do something or it doesn't interest me or if there's an ulterior motive.
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Actually I will also say no to green peppers, custard and its associates, coffee cake, carrot cake, scones with no cream.
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I will also use the word no when cold callers crackle and cackle down the phone and ask if I am Griswelda Moonblaster, the name I used in 2016 for cold callers.
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I will sleep. I bloody well will.
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When asked for an opinion I will give it honestly. I might not speak to the person again.
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I will continue to hide mushrooms in food, unless my children are reading this. In which case it's browned parsnips.
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I will try not to embarrass my children, the level of embarrassment depends on how many times I ask and remind about chores.
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I don't do new year resolutions but I do hope.
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Here's to 2017.