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Notes from the Bored Room : 3 April 2020

In an effort to shake up the 'working from home' team I suggested to Head of IT he might do yoga with me, he said no so I suggested Pilates, again another no so I suggested body balance and the answer was of course no. I asked if he wanted to do anything with me. He said no. I’m sure he muttered under his breath social distancing. So that went well. There is a glimmer of excitement as there's a virtual friendly get together with all the company at 4pm today. No excuses for not attending. I tried to get out of an exercise class the other day and had no excuse, in the end I did as I was cooking. Phew I will use that excuse again.

Meanwhile the other departments are coping well. Head of education has failed to submit work so is in probably in detention and will no doubt be asked to stay behind after school. Quite how that will work is yet to be seen but as it’s officially the end of term at 1230pm today I think chief catering corps will delay lunch for an hour. That might be harsh but the snack hour is an all day smorgasbord so an hour isn’t a long time.

Speaking of time elevenses is now alldayes not to be confused with the shop Aldi UK because that would be Aldis. Obviously.  Whilst on the subject of the random S at the end of words Granny Valley is sending Grandpa to Tescos or Asdas. I don’t know why they don’t go to Sainsbury's well I do because it’s further away, but for the purpose of this paragraph that’s a whole different level of addditonal S etiquette. My granny used to call it Sainsberry or Sainsbreeze the latter said in a French accent has a certain ring to it.  But I digress.

Head of property has left the building via the front door once, but has ventured into the garden. Not to put the washing on the line so her role needs defining further. She was also head of international travel one afternoon when I caught sight of her inside the faculty building in a bikini with a cocktail.

Head of online shopping is now head of creative baking, apparently her most recent cake looked great and tasted shit, which is the opposite to what some of my creations have been in my looks shit, tastes great book.

Head of security is bored of people passing by and has gone to a new outpost where he can’t see anyone but can hear them so they get a half hearted bark, whilst head of reclamation is relishing in his new role at the breakers yard and has wrecked a duvet and blanket.

Whilst on the subject of food I am applauding the measures in place in supermarkets with their one in one out regime, the markers on the floor,  the bollards in car parks and although I have not seen it myself the barriers in car parks. Now I have been skiing for years and have stood in queues for the first lift of the day so that kind of thing doesn’t bother me at all, but it’s just not the same although meeting someone in the frozen aisle is a bit like a mogul field so there could be comparisons.  Waitrose & Partners have little circles on the floor saying 2 metres I half expect to hear about some Hammer House of Horror cattle prod should people overstep their 2m mark (the episode I am thinking of is The Silent Scream) . I think by the end of this we will all know what 2 metres is, infact we will all know time, distance and percentages. If it takes one person to eat the last Kit Kat in 10 minutes you can guess the percentage of annoyed people.

Talking of television programmes this time will go down in our life chart as Tales of the Unexpected, oh yes it will indeed and our grandchildren will be taught about it and they too will wonder but they will know the end date. Never before have I wanted to be a time traveller until now.


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